Here’s what I feel like I had to learn in 2020 before executing on what I’m planning for my December intentions:
- I basically spent a whole bunch of time coming up with ideas for both blogs + books but never really committing to which I wanted to focus on creating first.
- Also, I had been helping Reid create his online course and launch his company for most of this year, so when he launched before Thanksgiving, I feel like a huge weight lifted, and now I feel more free to start committing to what content I want to create for my own writing.
- I think I’m finally giving myself permission to stop feeling guilty that I’m in such a place of privilege to be able to focus on my writing full-time and to not feel shame for not having created something already. To just start creating something now, versus waiting even longer.
Also, while I was on Thanksgiving vacation and on the same day that Taylor Swift announced the Folklore recording session on Disney+, my author friend shared an instagram story from another aspiring author about how she’s been in a creative slump lately and was starting a 100-day project to write a short story to a taylor swift song every day.
That was my idea I had last year!! I can’t keep idling while I watch others live out my dreams and my ideas just because they have more discipline and follow-through than I do! If anyone can do it, I can do it, I just have to actually do it!
I don’t even know that I’ve found what will be my long-term solution to beating self-sabotage + procrastination, but I do know that NOT following through on my ideas + goals hasn’t been working for me, so I gotta do something different in December to end this year on a high note.
summary of writing updates so far in 2020
january – march
- Joined the Millhouse women’s creative coworking space in January and began attending “lunch + learn” workshops there.
- Completed multiple writing masterclasses including courses by Judy Blume, James Patterson, Margaret Atwood + Joyce Carol Oates.
- Indecision about what I wanted to do with my writing, brainstorming tons of ideas.
- Started and stopped 2 or 3 book ideas. Blogged some.
march – june
- Focused much of the time on filming final modules of Reid’s company’s first online course with him while sheltering in place.
- Started therapy for what my therapist swiftly diagnosed as generalized anxiety disorder. Began anxiety meds.
- Journaled a lot. Blogged some.
july – september
- No blogging or social media, but collected headline ideas from past notebooks for future blog planning and also brain dumped + journaled + outlined my ideas for a book based on taylor swift’s folklore album that she released from quarantine at the end of july.
- brainstormed + outlined like 3 different book ideas, blog ideas, all the ideas.
- meanwhile, put up some real resistance to working on reid’s business, but also didn’t really feel motivated to write for my own stuff.
- Stopped anxiety meds, vowing to actually commit to meditation + yoga + exercise first.
- Thinking I wanted to start an anonymous blog with a pen name so that I wouldn’t feel (self-imposed) pressure around sharing my writing tied to my real name right away.
- Created a two-month content calendar for that idea + began like 29 drafts but never wrote any of them to completion for publishing.
- Helped Reid finish filming his sales videos + redoing his company info video.
- Had some deep conversations with Reid about his business and my writing and our finances + life plans, all that good stuff, ending with him saying he wants me to be able to focus on my writing + blogging full-time.
- helped reid launch!
- Took a true vacation for thanksgiving week + got clarity on what I wanted to plan to do for December intentions.
Which brings me to…
december intentions 2020
[ b o d y ]
goal (a.k.a. “dream on a deadline”):
lose 3% body fat to be under 30%
physical habits (for mirror matrix habit tracker):
- exercise (29+ minutes)
- brush lincoln (9+)
- fuck fat track calories
- pm yoga (13+)
[ m i n d ]
dream on a deadline:
healed skin, no more dry + cracked cuticles
- morning mindful musing meditation (9+)
- AM skin picking strategies
- hobby play (tarot, ukulele, red dead redemption)
- PM skincare + hand lotion
[ s p i r i t ]
dream on a deadline:
29k words written in my first diary novel draft
- diarise (1+ pages)
- write 1600 words in novel draft (a scene a day)
- write 1300 words of blog content (includes posts, pages, email sequences, social media, etc.)
- 6 hours of vocation time tracked in toggl
I’ll leave you with some truths + values I try to live by beyond just December intentions…
I like to believe that there is more good in this world than evil, and that it’s always #worth to try to do good.
In the words of one of my favorite youtube videos of all time, “worry about yourself.” It’s amazing what the intentional decision to not worry about others (i.e. pesky entities outside of your control) can do for one’s mental health. Not to mention, more often than not what someone else chooses to do or think is 100% about them, and not about you at all. So you do you and worry about yourself, what you can control, what is within your power to manifest in your life.
I do believe Reid and I need to do some sort of daily advent calendar in December! I kinda wanna do something crazy like try a new role-play-a-day or watch a different xconfessions porn scene-a-day. Is anyone still reading this?
I believe we’re each responsible for our own happiness.
Lastly, I’m a dreamer + an idealist and I refuse to believe we live in a world where it’s impossible to find meaningful work that doesn’t feel like work. And that is all.